its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
