He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Fuck appropriateness.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize