Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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