Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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