It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
