Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
