My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
