There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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