are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
