its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
its liver damage thursday
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
