I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
