I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
