he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
