exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
