well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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