All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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