I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
