My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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