he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
