I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
