She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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