Umm I'm too high to move.
I love black thongs
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
