I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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