Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
