I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
