Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
