i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We need a shit load of segways right now
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
