you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
