I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
