Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
