The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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