they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
