Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
