im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
