Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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