Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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