i love accidental penises.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize