Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
