I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize