Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just puked most of my soul out..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
