After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
