She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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