i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
