between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize