Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
