nut hugger
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
