Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
