@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
