I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize