She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
