I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
