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Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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