Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
