tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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