How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dicks are not precious.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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