There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
