lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
