In America we eat man semen.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Found your dick twin last night
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize