it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
