Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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