thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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