New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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