Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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