real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
