Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
