He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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