Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
