Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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