My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
