Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
