I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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