What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
