ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
