Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
